Single dating is different these days and you need to appeal to the person you are trying to date for seduction online. There are a million profiles out there and the art seduction needs to start at the first level of engagement. It then needs to carry over into the conversation whether it is online or on the phone. I do not recommend spending time talking on the phone- it can kill the mystery. If you are ‘married but looking’ seduction also takes another course, but these tips can help lay the groundwork for deeper communication and pleasurable ‘date nights’ as well. Dating is a dance and it starts here with the first level of attraction and engagement.
A mysterious photo or something in your selection of photos that is interesting enough to spark a question and be seductive. Don’t just throw sexy photos up like everyone else. Do something that sets you apart. Do take professional looking shots with good lighting, not faded old photos scanned in from high school or some blurring beach vacation. For example, show yourself doing something unusual. When you connect, be direct and inquisitive-surprisingly, this is not standard online conversation-Do Not Start talking about sex- that is not intriguing it moves away from mystery. Allude to it.
Your photos and your profile need to show confidence but not arrogance. Confidence is seductive and sexy; it shows you know who you are and what you like. Step out of the box and separate from the crowd by saying something that everyone else does not know you like. For example, more people who see my dating profile know I love poetry than people who meet me in the context of work or my normal social life. It is intimate and personal. Be comfortable with who you are and allow your date/mate to be who they are. Both can exist at the same time-that is confidence.
Keep your language measured and metered. Do not blab in your profile; that is not sexy. Read it out loud before you post and see if it has rhythm and flows in the context of speech. Control means revealing some of the unusual, but not showing your entire hand. Keep some skin in the game but use it to draw the prospect in with a steady hand. You can do this by making decisions about how and where you meet or showing that you have stepped outside the box to grow.
Read the other person’s profile. Intelligence is seductive and sexy online and in person. Ask your match about their profile and be specific. Understand who you are going to engage with and do not ask the obvious questions. Probe from another angle and answers to the obvious questions will come forward as well. What are you an expert in? Capitalize on it without repeating yourself. Intelligent people are interested in many subjects and they take action around those things.
People love to laugh and laughing is sexy, while the idea of a laugh is seductive. If you find anything about the other person funny, tell them right away or ask them about it. For example, I asked a guy about his very John Denver profile photo with the crazy glasses. I engaged with him on the glasses and said they made me laugh out loud. Where did he get them and why that profile photo? Immediately, he has gotten the response he is looking for or he would not have chosen that photo and we know we can laugh.
Again, show humor or notice something specific about the other person’s profile. Do not notice the obvious, notice the subtle and ask questions. It is the same as in texting. If you do not ask a question, it exhibits lack of interest and there is no need to respond. Making a statement and moving on is like walking by and making a comment without waiting for the other person to respond. It is actually rude. Do not write long heart-felt letters to engage people. They feel obligated to respond in kind and will move on if they are busy. But do not make it too short either. 10 sentences are best unless there is a real connection and a long distance. Pay attention and notice details.
Connect- ask questions but not trite ones
If there is nothing in the profile that sparks your interest but you like the looks of the person or are intrigued by them, ask about that. Stay away from the mundane and the usual fare! Seduction comes with connection and mystery. It sparks the imagination. What can you imagine doing with someone? Show that you have flare and can be creative. Connecting on an imagined adventure is seductive and alluring.
Find Common Ground
Find common interests that you can share. This does not mean past experiences, this means new experiences to create the new life and new vision that people are looking for in a new relationship. Do not rehash the past. You can find alignment in experiences like travel, work, etc, but the real intrigue comes from imagining something new to connect on. What do you both wish you could do and have never done? If you are talking on the phone by now, allow the other person to talk and finish what they have to say. Speak slowly but with energy.
Direct is sexy and seductive. You can still be alluring, and intriguing, while being direct and answering questions in detail without rambling. Make connections between subjects that show your intelligence but reveal enough about yourself with an honest response if you want to start off on the right foot.
Don’t Play Games
Online seduction does not mean playing games. If you give it a chance, you might find you are “interesting to yourself” as my mother once said. When you discover this- all bets are off and you are the sexiest creature on earth! Believe it. It is one thing to intrigue; it is another to waste people’s time. If you have not intention of meeting a person, do not engage with them. If you are interesting, and you are, then you need not be an attention seeker and you won’t be bored yourself. People are on dating sites for a reason, and my experience is that most are serious about finding a relationship rather than playing games. Life is too short!
What was your most effective profile line and how many people mentioned it when you were contacted?