Dating teaches you so much about yourself and what you really want. You’re constantly put in compromising social situations in the hopes you can trust yourself to maintain your cool. Dating is tough and I know we all secretly think, “Ugh, can we just fast-forward and be comfortable around each other already?” Alas, there is no fast-forward option in life. There are lots of tutorials to surviving the first date, but what about the second date and shortly thereafter?
I’ve now mastered the first date, having read all of the online guides – I’d be willing to consider myself an expert. I know just the things to say, the right jokes to make and the correct drink to order. I think of a first date as the job interview – present yourself in the best light possible, highlight the positive and save the rest for later. The second date is like your first day on the job, meaning there is way more potential for long-term success.
The second date can equate to hook-up territory for a lot of people, but I would advise waiting a bit longer to get intimate, therefore it is important to keep the date away from home. Although it may be tempting and attractive to cook dinner or watch a movie in, save it for the third or fourth date. Select a social yet intimate location, this is the time for you to really get to know your date.
First date conversation is polite, second date conversation should be more honest. Find a good pace and keep a healthy dialogue exchange. Plenty of people make the mistake of talking too much to avoid “awkward silences” when the more awkward scenario is talking yourself into a corner. Leave quiet time for your date to talk – it’s in those lulls that you can realize your true compatibility. With the right person, silence is just as great as talking. Don’t hesitate to be real, say what you think and don’t sugar coat thoughts. I’ve always compared second date conversation to a game of tennis, you have to develop a rhythm with your partner and occasionally let them win even when you don’t want to.
I’m all for going dutch, but the second date is still formal enough that the instigator should pick up the bill. If you’re doing a unique activity together, like going to a concert or play, be sure to cover bar tabs and other expenses.
I get it, you want to Instagram the $60 steak you ordered and let your followers know that you’re cool and can get a date, but unplug for the time being. Focus on the person and conversation that is within breathing proximity to you. Phones can serve as a social safety for many of us, understand that silence and awkwardness is okay; especially when you’re first getting to know one another!
We’re all guilty of being over protective of our hearts. It’s scary and intimidating getting to let your guard down, especially on a romantic level. We set up obstacles to test our partner’s strength while setting off metal landmines just to see if things will withstand the blast. Let go of the warrior mindset and allow for a peaceful transition into a relationship.